14 Jul 2012

The Times They Are a Changin’…. Thoughts from Recent ” Change” Intensive group work

"The change group helped me understand how I felt about and reacted to change. Doing a deep dive into this topic helped me understand a lifetime of thoughts and behaviors I've had around change - things I never could understand or explain before. After the sessions, I now feel like I can handle change in a much different way. I think it opened several doors for me to be more comfortable with changes in my life. "

"Change" group intensive member

We are changing and evolving constantly...perhaps these changes are the only predictable happenings of life! Our growing up, our transitioning, our ever evolving thoughts and passions with our work and our creative minds; our  journeys in relationships and how they begin and end and all the feelings that surge in us as we ride these waves over and over again.

Sometimes change feels like it is happening "to" us and sometimes we choose, we make decisions. Sometimes change creeps up on us before we know it.. and we look around or look inside and see something we never knew before.... or we stay tethered to the past or hanging on our agenda for the future.

In recent 4 week workshops on this topic of change, we all did some deep inquiry and looking into ourselves..Below are a few of the questions that were sent between sessions to members to write about and share.

These Change Warriors covered some important ground and dug deep together!

Working with focus.. and joy!!

 How invested are you in change? Where are you the most invested in change at this time of your life?

- Generally, I am not that invested in change because I don't like the way it feels, however, right now, I feel that I have an opportunity to change the way I live my life, the way I feel about myself, and the way I treat myself. I am the most invested change in self-growth right now. I want to know myself and live a life that is true to my core.

- I am working hard to change my negative thought patterns and be as mindful as I can be. I want to experience where I am in life now, while at the same time striving to improve my relationships and my career. I want to change my work into something that is more energizing and creative and satisfying and I am taking small but consistent steps to make that happen. I am trying to build a strong, healthy relationship with my boyfriend, my close friends and family and be less judgmental of those relationships and more accepting of what they are, not focusing on what I think they should be.

- What elements of experiences of change in your childhood have you brought with you to current life an experiences? i.e.: how you handle change, how it happens, how it feels... You can give an example if you want..

Oh, boy! I often feel like my childhood is attached to me like saran wrap. It's so clingy and I cant break free of the memories (good and bad), the feelings, or the expectations (that things will play out a certain way even though the people (my family) and the situations that I am experiencing now as an adult are new.
When making changes or decisions, how do you know they are either impulsive or reactive...or mindful.. What feelings or signals tell you?

- When I am impulsive or reactive, which is the norm, I feel constant, unbearable anxiety. The few times that i have made mindful changes, I have felt a confident peace in the before, during, and aftermath of the change.

Is one of the reasons we may all fear change because it always involves some kind of loss? And if so, what's your understanding or your questions about that?

- I think that makes a lot of sense. Changing often involves saying goodbye to situations, people, habits, states of mind, homes, friends, jobs, expectations etc...and I think that's really scary to lose anything especially when you've integrated it into your life for a certain amount of time. And that probably ties into our discussion of identity, because maybe we take all of these things and make them a part of our identity, so when it comes time to change one of them we feel like we are losing a part of our identity. And that can be very scary. But parts of our identity seem to always shifting (if we looks back over the years) and identity is not solid or static at all so thinking of it in that way can maybe make the loss less scary.

" Letting Go".. We talked a lot about it. How does loss shape us? Can we really learn from it? Answer just as yourself.. no wise answer expected....

In college, I spoke at a retreat called "Escapes" and i had to select a song that went along with my speech. i selected Let Go by Frou Frou. i copied all the lyrics here but really the bold part is what i liked about it. this song is the first thing i thought of.

(So let go) so let go
Jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
(So let go) let go
Just get in
Oh it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

The other thing I thought of is this wood sign i bought from an online sample sale: "When she finally learned how to let go of the things that didn't matter, she discovered all the things that really did. just breathe"

I keep it at my desk because I always have trouble letting go. i hold on to things, emotions and expectations especially. and the song and the sign help me to shake that.

- I think if you have experienced loss, then it has shaped you in some way. People react differently to loss due to many different factors, but I think in the instance of a loss, we are presented with a fork in the road...do we put our walls up to numb some of the pain from the loss, while also shutting out some of our growth opportunities, or do we remain completely open, taking in all the pain and all the growth that comes with each loss? Personally, I know that up until this point in my life, I have always put up the walls, so I think that loss has shaped me by contributing more walls, or building my walls thicker. However, I know that we really can learn from loss. For me, I've learned the most about myself from situations in which I've lost things. It took me a very long time to learn from my losses, and I know that I still haven't learned all i can from some losses.

- How has this group experience helped you to open your heart?

- This group has helped me to explore my attitudes and fears about change. It has forced me to think of change as an essential part of life at all ages. The idea of life being an up and down ride struck me hard. While it may seem obvious, I am constantly judging my life against an impossible upward continuum.

- What other things day to day can help us to be opening our hearts?

- Letting go of attachment to expectations. Entering the day with the idea that many different outcomes can occur and there are more possibilities than the singular outcome I tend to have in mind. Knowing that feelings of pleasure and pain diminish and return...nothing is permanent.

- When I came to the group, I think I thought that the big change I was having to deal with was my new job. That is still a change, and still one I'm getting used to, but I think the subtler, but ultimately bigger change I'm coming to terms with is what I mentioned about the feeling of coming into being an adult, and the smaller and bigger re-orientations toward life and what I want from it that have been changing for me over the past couple of years

- Because of the accepting nature of the group and the clearly explorative nature of our talks, it really helped to know that it wasn't about figuring anything out or being "right," but about opening. Sometimes, that's all it takes, I think; being given permission to be open and honest. Because I am 30 years older than most of the group, it was great to see how much all of our struggles and joys stay the same, and how much they change. And it was an excellent reminder that this change will take place just as I'm getting used to a new me or new situation, another will come along... And it is all part of the dance and I CAN"T take myself too seriously or worry about what seems scary 'cause it could all be different tomorrow..

Thank you Everyone!

Watch for new groups forming in the fall and for new online workshops, as well as continued Skype work with individuals!

Susan Lambert, LCSW

11 Jul 2012

Guest Blogger Jennifer Rau on Practice as an Actor/Writer

And here is screenplay writer and actor Jennifer Rau's idea about practice:

" 'Practice makes perfect.’ Oy. Let's break it down. Definition of PRACTICE - from Merriam-Webster online

transitive verb 1 a : carry out, apply “ practice what you preach “ b : to do or perform often, customarily, or habitually “ practice politeness “

I believe in practice. It is the only way I have found to combat my dreaded "p" words: procrastination and perfect. My fear of not being perfect leads me to procrastinate and has often kept me from practicing everything that I desire to do wonderfully, stirring me into a frenzy of the mind that can only be halted by:

Practice.

By just sitting down, standing up, lying down and doing it. I realized recently that all of my creative endeavors: acting, writing, and singing are easier done than worried about. And the doing is a practice. A practice of honoring myself, my voice, my potential; by practicing.

Does practice make perfect? I think it does, if we believe in the perfection of expansion and progression and of honoring our expression in the world.”

11 Jul 2012

Guest Blogger Carrie Owerko on Spiritual Practice

My inspiring yoga teacher Carrie Owerko’s beginning of a blog entry on “ practice”:

“How does our practice become our own practice? One that is created from and supported from within? Who is the one who will always be with us, inside of us, holding the space, the sacred space that allows for the intimate observation of our breath, our life, even at the time of our very last breath, the very end of this life? How intimate are we with this innermost host? Do we have time for this relationship? Underneath all the other voices, the voices of our parental figures and teachers and all with whom we have been in relationship, underneath all of those voices, the chattering, poking and prodding cacophony of our histories, is a silence and a space that holds our innermost host or teacher. It takes real courage to hear and feel this silence, and then to see and listen into all that is revealed. What if we don’t like what we see? Or it doesn’t take the form we expected?.....”

Continue reading this entry at carrieowerko.com ( a fantastic website!)

11 Jul 2012

Guest Blogger Robin Simmonds on Yoga and Meditation Practice

Robin Simmonds, yogini, body worker and student of meditation reflects on her experiences with practice:

“My yoga and meditation practices have brought me to the brink of a new understanding of myself that has subtly pervaded me.

My eyes have been opened through my practice, my brilliant teachers and the profound teachings of the Yoga Sutras and the Dharma to a way of being that now inspires and motivates my practice.

My motivation to practice now is not to "fix" myself, or get attention for well executed yoga poses, but to simply be aware of my experience and the myriad of subtle thoughts, sensations and the shifting nature of the mind and heart. I have given up the futile attempt at creating a state of bliss or continual "happiness" which only creates more frustration when not achieved.

My shift in approach has created a much kinder, more compassionate practice for myself and has actually helped dismantle some of the dis-ease, but it is definitely not an instant cure for what ails me. I try now to look at my inner turmoil with friendly, curious

eyes and not try so hard to be a " good" meditator or yogi, but a more honest, humorous yogi. I think of the simultaneously childlike enthusiasm and candor of the Dalai Lama and it inspires me tremendously.”

 

Thank you Robin!!

11 Jul 2012

Guest Blogger Sofia Elizalde Duran on Wellness Practice

From writer, yogini and artist , Sofia Elizalde-Duran:

"It does not matter how slow you go, so long as you do not stop"

--Confucius

"Personal transformation can and does have global effects. As we go, so goes the world, for the world is us. The revolution that will save the world is ultimately a personal one." -- Marianne Williamson

I start off with these two quotes, taken from two different individuals from two different times and backgrounds. However they both express clearly what I like to consider my life’s practice. I work towards living a life with awareness; hence “luck”, “chance”, “fortune” does not really play a big part in this scenario.

We have intentions, attitudes, behaviors and action. Practice, practice, practice. Experience, as a verb, in action. Practice what you preach. Acting in accordance to your beliefs. It's an internal force that drives you. God is nowhere to be found, God is not outside. Religion is not behind doors or does not come with instructions. Dogmas.

God is ultimately Love--the foundation of life--and it is inside me, inside you, in every living palpitating thing and creature in the universe. For me it is Yoga. Yoga and life. My daily practice, where I show up on my mat, where I connect with what is within me and around me. That is my starting point, my spring board. Yoga and life--
The privilege, the wonderful gift of discovering, exploring my rhythm, my timing. Having the opportunity to really sense, with my heart, with love, the beauty of living and existence. I'm not talking about being illuminated here, or being enlightened--it's about practicing actively, speaking truthfully with myself--my wants, my needs, my beliefs, my love. And act accordingly.

Not an hour practice on our mats--abandoned and forgotten for the rest of the day. God, Divinity, Belief, Prayer. Not a sporadic, isolated appointment in our daily lives-- what about the other 23 hours of the day? The art of living comes from love, comes from that awareness of love and responding-- with feelings, intentions, behaviors, actions-- to that love.
That is breath. That is breathing. Life

The great teacher Krishnamacharya said: “If there is breath, there is always something we can do.”

Please visit Sofia’s blog anytime for more wonderful thoughts and open hearted sharing!
www.ando-como-hormiguita.blogspot.com

Thank you Sofia!

29 Jun 2012

Creativity: Ted Talk to watch and soak up!

Please watch Amy Tan as she talks about creativity and what she discovers!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8D0pwe4vaQo

29 Jun 2012

The Power of Listening

A wonderful member of the world community: Speaking to us with JOY and FOCUS!

28 Jun 2012

Listening… from Around the World

The Power of Listening

28 Jun 2012

The “Working” Wall , from Guest Blogger Ryan LeMere

The working wall isn't so much about "work" as it about process. I call it such only because it can never really be finished, but rather it lives in a constant state of working and transformation.

This wall, which is a section of my bedroom that I have covered in large sheets of paper, serves as a home base for inspiring messages, collected images, and gentle reminders. It's more than just a scrap book or the increasingly popular "vision boards." In the past I have made vision boards, only to find them dusted and forgotten beneath papers tucked in the closet. The Working Wall, "works" per sé because it's always there. Some mornings I'll wake up and stare at it blankly. Sometimes after work I'll see it and want to add another word, or goal. It doesn't matter whether it's being constantly touched or read, as long as it's there it silently plants little seeds of inspiration. For me, I like to have a section for inspiring words, a section for things I'm grateful for, and a section for practical, tangible things I want to do. For anyone else, it's up to them to find out what works. As long as it's large (big, free spaces facilitate big, free thinking), visible, and accessible.

In any case, The Working Wall is not there to necessarily shift or change my feelings, but rather give insight and purpose to the ones I'm experiencing. With words like "Curiosity" in big penciled letters, It's about both generating positive thoughts, and simply accepting negatives ones. It's as simple as stumbling upon a bit of focus after a long day on the job. It's about seeing, striving, acknowledging and accepting all at once.

By Guest blogger Ryan LeMere

[ratings]

27 Jun 2012

Pema Chodron on ” Taking Care of Ourselves”

TAKING CARE OF OURSELVES
I’ve known many people who have spent years exercising daily, getting massages, doing yoga, faithfully following one food or vitamin regimen after another, pursuing spiritual teachers and different styles of meditation, all in the name of taking care of themselves. Then something bad happens to them and all those years don’t seem to have added up to the inner strength and kindness for themselves that they need to relate with what’s happening. And they don’t add up to being able to help other people or the environment.
When taking care of ourselves is all about me, it never gets at the unshakable tenderness and confidence that we’ll need when everything falls apart. When we start to develop maitri for ourselves, unconditional acceptance of ourselves, then we’re really taking care of ourselves in a way that pays off. We feel more at home with our own bodies and minds and more at home in the world. As our kindness for ourselves grows, so does our kindness for other people.

Pema Chodron, from " Taking the Leap"

Copyright © 2018 SUSAN LAMBERT, LCSW